First final tomorrow. It's kinda nice to only have two finals. Can't say I've been here before. In retrospect, I am not quite sure how I managed 9 exams (or did I take 10, I don't remember) in 3 weeks at the tender age of 17 (note to Kapooks: it was the secondary school leaving examinations - the equivalent of provincials except that ours was at a national level meaning that all 17 year olds across the country were taking exams at the same time; and yes there were ten TEN (!) subjects - 8 of which I aced! Asian power yo!)
Anyhow, I am exhausted. Drained. A year ago, I was in second year and the reality of uni hadn't hit yet. I was off to Edmonton to a dry and cold Christmas and nothing quite mattered then. Now, a year away from graduating, life feels a little daunting and walking home alone has never felt more lonely and vulnerable. Making my own way home before used to induce in me a sort of a grown-up feeling: being able to decide what time I would leave (or not leave) and how I would commute home. It made me feel responsible and brave, a self reference to my being in charge of my own self and I loathed the scolding because it represented doubt and distrust.
Now no one is quite so surprised anymore and taxis are deemed a waste of money. I've learned to always carry an umbrella, make pretend conversation with myself and make my presence known to the bus driver.
And I want nothing more than to be chaperoned home.
Anyhow, I am exhausted. Drained. A year ago, I was in second year and the reality of uni hadn't hit yet. I was off to Edmonton to a dry and cold Christmas and nothing quite mattered then. Now, a year away from graduating, life feels a little daunting and walking home alone has never felt more lonely and vulnerable. Making my own way home before used to induce in me a sort of a grown-up feeling: being able to decide what time I would leave (or not leave) and how I would commute home. It made me feel responsible and brave, a self reference to my being in charge of my own self and I loathed the scolding because it represented doubt and distrust.
Now no one is quite so surprised anymore and taxis are deemed a waste of money. I've learned to always carry an umbrella, make pretend conversation with myself and make my presence known to the bus driver.
And I want nothing more than to be chaperoned home.
1 comment:
oy yoy! this is called REAL growing up :) teehehe... just thought i'd check up on your blogaroo =)
call me laterrrrrs to tell me how that exam went ya. and good job to 17 y/o melooga :) i'll keep the 'azn power' in mind to fuel me along through my exam today :)
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