I am truly warped

I dreamt that in the heart of Central London, there is a pond where shrooms grow in abundance and "you literally buy it off stalls that are set up around the pond" (security guard in my dream, 2008). This place is called 'Your Bitches'.

Geeking

Padahal, I have shit loads I should be doing instead of all the nonsense blog-surfing and Huffington Post I've been doing. On a more productive note, I ran today! It's not often that I run and admittedly, I didn't get far but it was a productive thing to do nonetheless. I'm also on a bit of a health binge. Not sure how long this will last but we'll see.

I'm excited for the plans that we've put in place. It will be sad but I like new beginnings and new places. It will also mean new people and some very good old friends so there is no fear! Right now, things are still up in the air; the clouds have yet to form but once they do, I will be more careless with my announcements.

Naomi Klein may just have changed the course of my life. It is still too early to say but if she indeed did, she will hear from me. I promise I will not let her go unappreciated. Honestly, I will be gifting a lot of Shock Doctrines this year. My next read is by Alan Greenspan. It will be an intellectual read-off!

Oh, the pain

I'm down with a stomach bug. You know it's true because it's been confirmed by Google. On the upside, I am losing the weight I gained on the cruise and have been meaning to get rid off. On the flipside, I feel like shit.

Epiphany!

The 1630 hours bus coming down the hill is always a bitch because it's always so full. I caught the intermediate bus (between 1630 and 1730) so it was less packed. Anyhow, I was thinking of all these firms I told myself I will apply to and couldn't quite decide which ones I like best. So I tried to imagine myself as the power tripping, Wall Street/Canary Wharf/Roppongi Hills/Lujiazui royalty hobnobbing employee (needless to say, avec perks) and the more I thought about it, the more I realised I don't want to work! I had an epiphany! Since markets are so shit anyways and my chances of scoring a sweet-ass job have been almost completely obliterated, I figure I have nothing to lose anyway and can afford to take some time off to explore my options. By that, I of course mean that I shall spend my days running around towns, both foreign and familiar, and spending someone else's money. Since the global economy is now teetering on the verge of a crisis comparable to the Great Depression, salvageable only by the Asian propensity to spend, I shall do my part as a citizen of this world to save the economy! I shall put aside my immediate hopes and dreams for the sake of future generations and fellow compatriots.

It's really quite benevolent, I think.

Crossroads

I am at a bit of a crossroads. Two months away from pledging career loyalties, I am suddenly at a lost; you see, I am no longer sure of where my loyalties lie. This damned West Coast, socialist-friendly attitudes have infected me! As I am quick to announce once slightly intoxicated, I have always been pro laissez-faire, pro free trade, and anti government intervention in all things related to the economy. I believe the government ought to serve a regulatory role, with interventions restricted to mostly social institutions (e.g. education, health care, police). Of course, this is a rather naive notion for many reasons but my views are neither uncommon nor unsupported by popular policy.

However, my frequent interaction with self-righteous, self-proclaimed ethical bastards in school and Atena (who is NOT a self-righteous, self-proclaimed ethical bastard) have piqued my curiousity about what really goes on on the other side. So I picked up Naomi Klein's The Shock Doctrine at CostCo (an irony in its own right, actually, since Klein is anti-corporation) and at a discount price, if I may add, and she has single-handedly challenged what I thought were firm and just beliefs.

Having been educated in business school, any thoughts pertaining to ethics and the notion of "fairness" I countered with a sneer and condescension. There is a small but strong niche that believes that it is possible to do the right thing and remain profitable and this resilient bunch is often met with snide comments (mostly from the likes of yours truly). Nonetheless, I respect their commitment to fairness and justice and the well-being of others. Perhaps, from experience, I just cannot comprehend how one is able to get ahead in life without trampling on another in the scramble for scarce opportunities and resources.

Now, barely two months away from pledging career loyalties, I do not wish to pine after the corner office knowing full well that I may have to exercise options that will make the poor poorer in order to be conferred the corner office. But I still want the corner office, goddamnit! I am no longer certain what is right or wrong and it is both troubling and disturbing. I entered university with big, wet, shiny eyes and a bundle of aspirations and questions that I would have hopefully found the answers to by the time I leave; now it seems that I only have more questions and no one in sight with answers.

Duty of care (or lack, thereof)

On my way home today, a man on the bus collapsed in what I assume to be a drunken stupor. According to passengers, he's a local bum - meaning that he is often seen on the same streets and his antics are well known to the people who frequent the area. This particular bum was known for his enthusiastic hand gestures and a tendency to spit.

Anyhow, I was reading when I heard him crash onto the ground. It didn't strike me instantaneously that I should help. Instead, I remained seated and waiting for others to respond. No one did. Eventually, the bus driver called for transit security and we all sat and waited till the next bus arrived and we made our escape.

At some point, I felt ashamed. For many reasons - for not helping a fellow person in need, for failing a fellow human being, for not stepping in his shoes, for failing to act instinctively, for failing my Pendidikan Moral lessons.

The question is, did I owe this stranger a care of duty? By virtue of being a fellow human being, was I in any way obligated to helping him? The duty of care is extended based on one party's benefit/advantage over others and thus has a responsibility towards the others to exercise that advantage/benefit in a way that will altogether avoid or minimize harm towards any innocent parties that may be affected. In this scenario, I had the advantage of sobriety and the capacity to help so did I/was I supposed/obligated to help? The thing is, if the situation was reversed and it was me on the ground, would anyone help? Did the fact that this particular person was a bum make a difference to the intention to help? Personally (and this is not an excuse), I have seen enough incidents involving bums to know that it could have turned ugly and I wanted to avoid a situation. But does that absolve me of my reluctance to help? Or compound it seeing as to how a bum is by default in a less advantageous position and therefore more needing of help?

To what degree does being a fellow human being impose on another to lend a helping hand when one is in need? I've experienced enough kindness in this city to know (and hope) that I would have reeived some measure of care if it had been me on the ground. And yet instead of coming to a stranger's need, I contemplated my own well-being and concluded that my own superseded someone else despite his hopeless situation. I am not proud of it and yet I can't and don't feel bad.

Tis

It's been a while. School's alright. It's my first semester without any planned finals which also means I get done in less than two months. It's an exciting prospect; at the same time however, it also means I have shit loads of work to cram within these two months. But I only have classes twice a week which suits me quite fine, I have to say. Despite the many days of nothingness, time still flies by. Take yesterday for instance. I got up at 9:30, sat at my laptop and 8 episodes later, it was dinner time! Who would have thought?

Anyhow, Marco left last week to pursue greener pastures on the right side of the fence. I don't think I know anyone who went home as eagerly as he did. The people that have gone home have always done so begrudgingly and reluctantly - all for different reasons of course but begrudgingly and reluctantly all the same. I am quite happy for him, actually. In an ideal situation, I would do the same but of course, situations are not ideal.

Anyhow, nothing much has happened hence nothing much has been talked about. Ling came and gone. Marco's left. All my SFU kakis have graduated. Fall is here, winter is beckoning. I haven't worked in 2 weeks. I haven't been as up-to-date with my readings. I miss the girls. I watch too much TV.

That's it.