Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Scared shitless.


So many tasks and thoughts and so little time.

It's been a long day. Wednesdays almost always follows a sequence in which two outcomes prevail:
  1. Full day at work, followed by class. I arrive home exhausted and drained, fall asleep immediately and wake up feeling more tired than I did the night before.
  2. Full day at work, followed by class. I arrive home exhausted, drained and jaded as fuck. Stay up contemplating shit-all scenarios, lose myself in Mary Louise Parker, and wake up the next day feeling shittier than I did the day before.
To be fair, I am handling this 16 hour day quite well considering that I have not abandoned it altogether. The past two weeks of snow days provided much needed respite from the grind and it makes me feel self-important to throw myself into it again.

Andi arrives tomorrow. In one swooping notion, we've changed the course of our lives. I am terrified. So many what-ifs, not enough time to explore them all. Just as many but-ifs, not enough time to list them all. I ought to be excited and I really am but it's having a hard time trying to come through. The truth is, I am exhausted, drained and jaded as fuck.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hang in there babe. things always fall into place and they will continue to do so. better to do all that you can so you'll never have what ifs right :) lurve you! going out tonight i'll fill u and andrew in on my weekend adventures nxt week :) have fun..hope i dont hear u frm across the street hahaha