Oh, the pain

I'm down with a stomach bug. You know it's true because it's been confirmed by Google. On the upside, I am losing the weight I gained on the cruise and have been meaning to get rid off. On the flipside, I feel like shit.

Epiphany!

The 1630 hours bus coming down the hill is always a bitch because it's always so full. I caught the intermediate bus (between 1630 and 1730) so it was less packed. Anyhow, I was thinking of all these firms I told myself I will apply to and couldn't quite decide which ones I like best. So I tried to imagine myself as the power tripping, Wall Street/Canary Wharf/Roppongi Hills/Lujiazui royalty hobnobbing employee (needless to say, avec perks) and the more I thought about it, the more I realised I don't want to work! I had an epiphany! Since markets are so shit anyways and my chances of scoring a sweet-ass job have been almost completely obliterated, I figure I have nothing to lose anyway and can afford to take some time off to explore my options. By that, I of course mean that I shall spend my days running around towns, both foreign and familiar, and spending someone else's money. Since the global economy is now teetering on the verge of a crisis comparable to the Great Depression, salvageable only by the Asian propensity to spend, I shall do my part as a citizen of this world to save the economy! I shall put aside my immediate hopes and dreams for the sake of future generations and fellow compatriots.

It's really quite benevolent, I think.

Crossroads

I am at a bit of a crossroads. Two months away from pledging career loyalties, I am suddenly at a lost; you see, I am no longer sure of where my loyalties lie. This damned West Coast, socialist-friendly attitudes have infected me! As I am quick to announce once slightly intoxicated, I have always been pro laissez-faire, pro free trade, and anti government intervention in all things related to the economy. I believe the government ought to serve a regulatory role, with interventions restricted to mostly social institutions (e.g. education, health care, police). Of course, this is a rather naive notion for many reasons but my views are neither uncommon nor unsupported by popular policy.

However, my frequent interaction with self-righteous, self-proclaimed ethical bastards in school and Atena (who is NOT a self-righteous, self-proclaimed ethical bastard) have piqued my curiousity about what really goes on on the other side. So I picked up Naomi Klein's The Shock Doctrine at CostCo (an irony in its own right, actually, since Klein is anti-corporation) and at a discount price, if I may add, and she has single-handedly challenged what I thought were firm and just beliefs.

Having been educated in business school, any thoughts pertaining to ethics and the notion of "fairness" I countered with a sneer and condescension. There is a small but strong niche that believes that it is possible to do the right thing and remain profitable and this resilient bunch is often met with snide comments (mostly from the likes of yours truly). Nonetheless, I respect their commitment to fairness and justice and the well-being of others. Perhaps, from experience, I just cannot comprehend how one is able to get ahead in life without trampling on another in the scramble for scarce opportunities and resources.

Now, barely two months away from pledging career loyalties, I do not wish to pine after the corner office knowing full well that I may have to exercise options that will make the poor poorer in order to be conferred the corner office. But I still want the corner office, goddamnit! I am no longer certain what is right or wrong and it is both troubling and disturbing. I entered university with big, wet, shiny eyes and a bundle of aspirations and questions that I would have hopefully found the answers to by the time I leave; now it seems that I only have more questions and no one in sight with answers.

Duty of care (or lack, thereof)

On my way home today, a man on the bus collapsed in what I assume to be a drunken stupor. According to passengers, he's a local bum - meaning that he is often seen on the same streets and his antics are well known to the people who frequent the area. This particular bum was known for his enthusiastic hand gestures and a tendency to spit.

Anyhow, I was reading when I heard him crash onto the ground. It didn't strike me instantaneously that I should help. Instead, I remained seated and waiting for others to respond. No one did. Eventually, the bus driver called for transit security and we all sat and waited till the next bus arrived and we made our escape.

At some point, I felt ashamed. For many reasons - for not helping a fellow person in need, for failing a fellow human being, for not stepping in his shoes, for failing to act instinctively, for failing my Pendidikan Moral lessons.

The question is, did I owe this stranger a care of duty? By virtue of being a fellow human being, was I in any way obligated to helping him? The duty of care is extended based on one party's benefit/advantage over others and thus has a responsibility towards the others to exercise that advantage/benefit in a way that will altogether avoid or minimize harm towards any innocent parties that may be affected. In this scenario, I had the advantage of sobriety and the capacity to help so did I/was I supposed/obligated to help? The thing is, if the situation was reversed and it was me on the ground, would anyone help? Did the fact that this particular person was a bum make a difference to the intention to help? Personally (and this is not an excuse), I have seen enough incidents involving bums to know that it could have turned ugly and I wanted to avoid a situation. But does that absolve me of my reluctance to help? Or compound it seeing as to how a bum is by default in a less advantageous position and therefore more needing of help?

To what degree does being a fellow human being impose on another to lend a helping hand when one is in need? I've experienced enough kindness in this city to know (and hope) that I would have reeived some measure of care if it had been me on the ground. And yet instead of coming to a stranger's need, I contemplated my own well-being and concluded that my own superseded someone else despite his hopeless situation. I am not proud of it and yet I can't and don't feel bad.

Tis

It's been a while. School's alright. It's my first semester without any planned finals which also means I get done in less than two months. It's an exciting prospect; at the same time however, it also means I have shit loads of work to cram within these two months. But I only have classes twice a week which suits me quite fine, I have to say. Despite the many days of nothingness, time still flies by. Take yesterday for instance. I got up at 9:30, sat at my laptop and 8 episodes later, it was dinner time! Who would have thought?

Anyhow, Marco left last week to pursue greener pastures on the right side of the fence. I don't think I know anyone who went home as eagerly as he did. The people that have gone home have always done so begrudgingly and reluctantly - all for different reasons of course but begrudgingly and reluctantly all the same. I am quite happy for him, actually. In an ideal situation, I would do the same but of course, situations are not ideal.

Anyhow, nothing much has happened hence nothing much has been talked about. Ling came and gone. Marco's left. All my SFU kakis have graduated. Fall is here, winter is beckoning. I haven't worked in 2 weeks. I haven't been as up-to-date with my readings. I miss the girls. I watch too much TV.

That's it.

Filler post

It's the hours before 9am that I most appreciate. It's the time before the rest of the world wakes up and chores are allowed to go undone because it's outside business hours. I monitor the clock constantly and make little whoops when I realise I still have more time before I need to get off my ass.

Anyhow, Alaska was quite nice. I wouldn't recommend a cruise though. I think we're quite through with cruises for a good number of years from now.

School starts tomorrow. It's back to the grind but not for long. And while I detest the cold weather, I can't quite remember the last time I've pulled on my Anna Sui boots and therefore am looking forward to fall/winter.

These shoes are hot

*edited*

These days even blog-surfing has intentions. There is a noted change in the direction of my blog-surfing these days, mostly backed up by nobler (I use the term noble very loosely though) intentions.

Two days short of a week ago, the bigger picture was looking quite sterile and I wasn't looking forward to starting a job that I know I already hate. Then Fay came up with a brilliant idea and we've followed up on it with due diligence and now I'm excited again. I want to divulge because I can hardly contain myself but I don't want to put the horse before the cart. But wait for it, ya ya ya?

I have discovered the magic that is Payless Shoes thereby resulting in the purchase of these shoes (refer to picture) for only $28! Plagued by curiousity, I Google Lela Rose only to discover that Bergdorf stocks her too.

Photo credit: Payless Shoe Source

By noon tomorrow, I will be done with the Summer '08 term. In many respects, it is bittersweet. Bitter because I only have 2 weeks of worry-free days before the new term starts up and sweet because I have worry-free days at all. It also means I am one term closer to the sweet song of graduation.

I damn stress already. I also bought a pair of Converse for a price that I am now embarrassed to name because I Googled it in an attempt to find an image for my post only to realise that I fucken overpaid. Whilst the Converse website is retailing for the price that I paid for it, a lot of other sites are selling it for almost half less. Ciiiiibai. But I still heart my Converse.